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The role of a caregiver for your aged parents can be compared to fighting a battle of sorts. This becomes even more obvious in case you are caring for a terminally ill patient. You are fighting a losing battle and it will end with the passing away of your loved one. However, you are dedicated to their well-being, health and happiness as much as is humanly possible so that you can make their last days as comfortable and peaceful as you can.
Your fight in this battle would be with the struggles to keep up with the medication schedules, the prescriptions and the frequency of the dosage. Another enemy you may have to face is the financial concerns. With the costs of rent, food and medical care skyrocketing, you have the constant worry of managing the funds to keep the bills paid. These are daily battles with the enemies.
The greatest enemy however, is not any of those mentioned earlier. It is not the economy or the nursing home of your mom or dad, or even any concern with your elderly parents. The biggest enemy the caregiver has to fight against is resentment. Resentment is an emotion that will hurt you as an individual and will not work well for the elderly in your care.
Resentment begins to build up in your mind even before you know what is happening. You begin to brood about little things and this hampers your ability and willingness to do the best you can for your elderly parents. Losing you as the primary caregiver is the worst situation that can happen to your ageing parents because they are totally dependent on you.
Resentment can take many forms. Some resentment may be towards the system in general. The social security and Medicare systems are changing constantly and becoming more and more complex.
There may be some resentment towards the facility where your parents are residing when you feel they do not provide the necessary care to your elderly parents. The worst kind of resentment is the one against siblings or even against the ageing parent.
This is a serious problem, one that becomes so deep-rooted that it changes your perception towards your loved ones and hinders your ability to care for them.
It is very easy to be overcome by the resentment towards the siblings because you may feel that the role of primary caregiver has been loaded upon you just because the others were not nearby to take the responsibility.
Most often, the elderly parent appears to be demanding and ungrateful, which is the reason for your resentment towards them.
In order to overcome resentment, you have to focus your mind on the reason you are fulfilling your responsibility as a primary caregiver. You have undertaken the responsibility not for your parents or your sibling's sake, but because it is the right thing to do.
You are performing your duty because your parents have taken great pains and made sacrifices to bring you up and look after you. In a way, you are trying to repay a debt which can never be repaid, in your own small way. As long as you focus on the real purpose of the mission, you can keep resentment at bay.
If you as a caregiver are entrusted with the task of caring for your only surviving elderly parent, you may have to make a decision whether to move dad or mom into your home. This is a tough decision to make as you have to consider many factors.
The idea projects more negative aspects than positive ones. Since you wished to live separately, you had moved out of your parents' home. To go back to living with a parent is not usually a welcome idea.
The feasibility of the idea depends on your living conditions as well. If you are single, separated or divorced, there may be space to accommodate your parent. You could combine the two homes into one and save considerable sums of money on expenses. You could also share the rent and may be even enjoy the company of your parent.
However, if you are married and have children, then there is a severe space crunch. The grandchildren will be very enthusiastic about the idea as they would like the grandparents to be with them. The adults will feel the strain of an additional member in the household.
There are more benefits about the idea of letting your mom or dad move in with you. It will save you the numerous trips to their residence; you can provide immediate attention in case of any medical problem. Food preparation can include that of the parent too and they can just become a part of the family by blending in.
However, the question of accommodating a surviving parent will provoke a different reaction from the experts in eldercare. They would advise against accommodating them in your house, and to avoid it as much as possible. Parents have the habit of interfering with child discipline or marital spats. They will also be nosey about teenagers' issues. This will create discord among all the members of the family.
Teenagers do not like to answer questions and more so with inquisitive grandparents around. You have some conflict resolutions systems in place that work on each other's understanding. The systems work because each one can understand the signs. An elderly parent would be out of place in such as situation.
The main reason for not having your mom or dad live with you is because you as a primary caregiver need some respite and should be able to get away from the elderly at least for a short while. The role of primary caregiver is stressful, so it is good for you to go home and forget the worries for a while. You need to preserve the sanctuary, to maintain your sanity and health.
This will prove to be beneficial to the caregiver as well as the receiver and all the others in the family too. After all, each one needs the space to unwind and refresh, and maybe your mom or dad needs it too!
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